A Few Thoughts on My Own Mother
(I originally typed this all out as a thread of tweets, but then decided to just copy and paste it here, so that's why it might seem a bit choppy)
1
Alright,
For once I'm going to be entirely human with you, so I hope you don't mind. I'm not trying to be dramatic, nor am I looking for sympathy or attention. I just want to express my feelings for once, rather than just my intellect.
I appreciate you guys letting me externalize some of my feelings with you.
2
This Mother's Day will be the first that I've ever lived through without my mother. She passed away in the middle of this previous winter. She was the greatest positive influence that I'd had during my young life.
The hardest part now is knowing I'll never get to do anything nice for her ever again.
We grew up poor, but my mother did the best that she could do. This past summer of 2018 She'd just bought her first house. I'd never seen her so happy. And I'd never been more proud of her. She only got to enjoy that house for five months before dying in it. And this breaks my heart.
In those final months I loved nothing more than visiting my mother in her new house. Loading up my tools, making the drive, and spending the day working on her house. She'd finally found a place that was truly her own, and I loved giving back to her by working on her home. She was truly happy in that house.
My mother suffered a lot throughout her short life, and it kills me to know that her joy in life was so short lived. And it kills me to know that I'll never again be able to contribute to her joy in life. It kills me to know that I'll never again feel the joy of seeing her happy.
3
My mother genuinely gave so much more to this world than it ever gave her in return. And she never complained about it. Not once. If I am at all a stoic man, it's because of whatever part of her that lives on in me. She deserved so much more than she was given in this life.
I love you, my dear mother. You are all that is good in me. I will love you always, and I will never forget you. I hope you knew how much I appreciated just how great of a mother you were to me. Thank you for having been my mother.
Wherever your spirit went, I hope it is well and continuing to do good for others. Caring for people was always your greatest calling in life.
